My BF (BreastFeeding) Inspiration

I read about an essay writing contest for Mom Exchange and the topic was about what or who inspires you to breastfeed.  I never bothered to create an entry for the contest but the topic made me think nevertheless.  So here’s my take on that:

 

 

The moment I found out I was pregnant, everything changed – not just for me but for my husband as well.  Everything started to have a meaning, a purpose.  From that moment, it was all about either the baby or the family.  It was then that I felt I now had a distinct purpose in life.  I knew then that every decision I made was crucial for my baby’s future.

 

My sister-in-law recently had a baby and it was through her that I had been exposed to exclusive breastfeeding.  As my tummy grew, it all seemed but natural for me to follow the same foot.  Come to think of it, never did it cross my mind that I’d be giving my baby formula.  I guess my mother’s instinct kicked as soon as I conceived.

 

I’ve seen sickly babies, who even before their first monthly birthday have already been confined in the hospital for various reasons.  I’ve heard of babies having amoebiasis as early as 3months.  As a mother, you naturally wish for the best for your children.  And so I knew that breastfeeding was the only option for me.  Anyway, it should come naturally to me, right?  That wouldn’t be so hard.  Boy was I wrong.  The first 2 months of breastfeeding for me seemed like self-inflicted torture.  But that’s getting ahead of my story.

 

As my due date came closer, I advised my OB that I would like to breastfeed my baby.  She referred me to a pediatrician who was an advocate of exclusive breastfeeding.   Since my sister in and I had the same set of doctors, I knew the drill.  As soon as the baby arrived, he was not to have anything but breastmilk.  I gave birth via c-section and so inspite of the pain killers, I couldn’t just get up to go to the nursery to feed Nathan.  It was therefore very frustrating for me whenever the nursery would call and ask if could already go and feed the baby as he was already crying. 

 

I stuck to it despite the pain, the sleepless nights simply because I knew that it was the best thing I could give my son.  Many times, in my periods of pain and frustration, Jojo would look at me, feeling helpless and suggest that we offer the baby a bottle – even just for the night.  I persisted though, I wouldn’t stand for it.  I couldn’t bear the thought of giving him formula milk, which to me was inferior nutrition when in fact the best milk was free and available for him – I just needed to make some (sic) sacrifices.  What parent wouldn’t want to make sacrifices for their children?

 

I’m way past that crying stage when breastfeeding was more of a torture to me.  My worry now is that as I work in the office, I may not be able to sustain the milk supply my baby needs.  A few weeks back, I was in dire panic about that and tears would often break particularly when at one time, I was only able to pump less than an ounce of milk from both breasts.  I’m lucky though that I have a very supportive and encouraging husband.  With his encouragement we lifted up my concerns in prayer – and I was back on track once again.  Thank God!

 

I’d say my only inspiration to go on is those set of small eyes that stare at me each time, I nurse my baby.  Babies have that certain look -- eyes of trust that speak to you, telling you that they know you hold their tomorrows.  Their lives are so dependent on everything you do, and whether it be now or in the future, each decision you make will have an impact on their tomorrow. 

 

It seems all so easy to throw in the towel and opt for the easy route of giving the formula but to give up that special time together?  I’d rather not.  I cherish our moments together… I love the feeling of cuddling up to my baby, I love the fact that he is dependent on me now as I am assured that I do have a purpose in life.  For as long as I have that chance to bond with my baby, I will for I know that in a few more years, he will no longer snuggle up like this to me.  Further down, he will be too busy discovering new things, making new friends, that our “special times” together would be limited.  Who knows, we probably may not even have enough stamina to cope up with him then.  For now, I’ll take everything I can while it’s still there, while I still can. 

 

~ pittipat